Reflections of a Lost Soul, continued part 1


It was because my heart wasn't in it that I struggled with the more advanced material. Was I interested in learning Physiology and the way the body works? Yes! Did I care about how drugs were administered, distributed, metabolized, and excreted? Hell no! I can't remember what year it was when it happened, but it was a Fall semester when I was hit with shingles. Shingles at 19! It wasn't in the usual area of the body either, which is the midsection of the body and back. It had to be on my face and scalp…near my eye where the risk of losing my vision was a very real concern. In fact, my eye was swollen shut for days. But that's another post for another time. The point is, this in addition to my car and all my school supplies in it getting stolen, and the fact that I didn't want to do it in the first place, was why I failed a class for the first time in my whole life. I had to repeat the year for that.


The struggling continued from then on. When I finally got to the 5th year of the program (had to repeat this year, too) I was tired. I was tired of all of it. I wanted to do anything but study the long hard hours for those exams. Still, I forced myself to do so. It wasn't good enough. Whatever study strategy I implemented didn't seem to help me on the exams. It was a continuously disappointing experience that fed into the next exam. I was already telling myself I would fail before I got into the next block of material.

This was also around the time when I was interning at a local hospital as a pharmacy technician. The first job I ever had (definitely an experience for another post). So my social skills were being put to test more than my pharmacy knowledge. It was like everywhere I went, I was being tested for something. And I was exhausted!

So I shut down. Spring semester of my second attempt at the 5th year material, the home stretch as it were before 6th year rotations, and I just stopped functioning. I didn't bother with pharmacokinetics. I still didn't know how to properly study for pharmacotherapy, but I didn't care to try anymore. So when I got the news that I was dropped from the PharmD program…my initial reaction was relief. Sweet, sweet relief. The burden was lifted. I could breathe again. Now if I could just disappear before my parents found out…


Reflections of a Lost Soul

Reflections of a Lost Soul, continued part 2



2 responses »

  1. Pingback: Reflections of a Lost Soul | AkaiMiko's Mindzone

  2. Pingback: Reflections of a Lost Soul, continued part 2 | AkaiMiko's Mindzone

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